I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
