i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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