Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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