Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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