I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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