I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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