my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
