As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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