Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
