Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
