She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
