The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
