So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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