I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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