it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
