either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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