so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
