Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
