i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
