is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
