i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize