And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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