I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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