dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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