Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it glows. i had to have it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
