We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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