I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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