Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
