fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize