Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
