i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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