dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
