i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
