Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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