thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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