Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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