sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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