Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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