i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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