and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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