i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
