Me too!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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