Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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