the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
