i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
