i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
