I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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