I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
