i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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