Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
