I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
