good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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