Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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