8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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