tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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