ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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