If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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