I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
