We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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